Uh-Oh
by RawMateriel
Summary: "I'm gay," James whispered to himself, trying the words. The feelings he had when he kissed Sirius returned: disgust, desire, but he wasn't confused anymore, now he was afraid. What would happen?


Written for Season 4 of the QLFC, Finals, Round 1.

Title: Uh-oh

Team: Wigtown Wanderers

Position: Chaser 2

Chain Prompt: Number 8: juxtaposition flashback/flashforward.

(Number 7 OTP: Regulus/James)

Optional prompt(s):

1\. (dialogue) "We buy one every month!"

6\. (word) forgive

13\. (word) tradition

Word Count: 2,995

Beta(s): NeonDomino, Mycroftmione, Dinodina, Dolbydigital, and CrazyRopeDragon (Thank you!)

* * *

"You know, I don't think there's an O.W.L. student in Hufflepuff who hasn't at least thought about shagging you Moony, you're like badger nip," James speculated as he watched Remus organising his selection of Valentine's chocolates.

"They're just grateful that I spellchecked their Christmas assignments," he replied, dismissing the outlandish claim.

"Then wouldn't they all have sent you something at Christmas?" James asked.

It was clear to all present that Remus was more interested in chocolates than Hufflepuffs. He had organised them into piles from dark to light, discarding the cards. Peter picked up one of the heart-shaped labels, and it spat little pink bubbles at him.

"This one's from a boy," Peter gasped, and Remus pressed his lips in a line and took the card. Remus read it and snorted.

"It's from my parents, Peter. I think it'd be a bit extreme for a Hogwarts student to out himself in a card, don't you? I mean I don't sign my name 'Wolfy McWerewolf', do I?"

"You sort of do mate," James said, the three boys laughed. From his place on his four-poster, Sirius was labouring over the Marauders' Map. When the laughter died, a few furtive glances were thrown his way. In the six years James had known him, Sirius usually had two modes: top of the world, and snake-pit.

It wasn't unusual for Sirius to spend the first week or so of term in the snake-pit. The temptation to push his friends away, to make the coming summer months with his family a little more bearable usually made him poor company after each break, but Sirius usually came through by the first full moon of the term. Yet there he sat in mid-February, looking stressed and mutinous.

"Do you need me to explain the joke?" James asked.

"Do you need me to explain why you're a tosser?" Sirius bit back, not looking up.

"Are you ever going to tell us what's wrong?" Remus asked Sirius, through a mouthful of chocolate. Silence.

"Sirius?" James prompted. Nothing.

* * *

At breakfast, James was trying to tempt Sirius into a conversation about Quidditch when an impressive hawk owl swooped over the Gryffindor table. Remus pretended to read a book, reportedly sick of Sirius's 'carry-on' after another spat over toothpaste. The owl landed itself gracefully in front of Sirius. Remus looked up and shared a grimace with James. The Black family owl was unmistakable. Sirius took the letter from it's extended leg.

"Mate…" James tried, but Sirius took one look at the envelope and fled, automatically pulling the map from his robes.

"What in Merlin's pants is going on?" Remus asked, exasperated. "He's driving me mad."

James was already slinging his satchel over his shoulder. "I don't know, but I'm bloody sick of this," he said, following his friend. Whatever was going on with Sirius, James was sure that letter had something to do with it.

* * *

James stepped out into the corridor just in time to see the edge of Sirius's robes swinging around the corner. After a moment's indecision, James pulled on his invisibility cloak. He considered silencing his feet as he reached the corner, but as he made the turn he saw there was no need. Sirius had arrived at his destination, and was shoving the map back into his pocket.

Tucked into a niche, not a Hippogriff wing away, was Regulus Black, and he was licking the neck of a very pink Ben Fenwick like he did it every day. Fenwick's eyes were closed, but he didn't need to see to tilt his head and steal an indecent kiss. Unaware they had been caught, their hips moved together in a manner which ought to have been illegal. James suddenly felt too warm under the cloak, but he didn't dare move.

Sirius held the torn envelope and the unfolded letter in one hand, and rubbed a tired eye with the other.

"Right," Sirius grumbled, staring resolutely at the floor, he reached out and pulled Regulus off Fenwick by his shirt collar. They came apart with twin gasps. Fenwick pressed himself tight against the wall like a cornered animal, his eyes darting up and down the hall like he expected to find a mob gathered. Sirius released his brother, and Regulus backed away, his mouth flapping like it was reaching for words. James felt incredibly guilty for following Sirius. He knew he shouldn't have seen that, it was the sort of thing he should be avoiding. That, and spin the bottle.

"Benjy, he…" Regulus said, pointing at Fenwick. "You!" He rounded on the boy. "I told you to stay away from me!" James almost believed him.

Fenwick, who was pinker than ever, scoffed. "I did wonder if, 'you're so fit' was code for something," he said venomously.

"I never said…" Regulus stumbled again, drawing his wand as if that would help. "I never said that," Regulus clarified, this time to Sirius.

Fenwick looked at the wand pointed at him. "You're a fucking snake," he said, shaking his head. He glanced at Sirius. "You make sure your brother keeps his mouth shut," he added; it was unclear which of the two he was talking to. Emerging from the niche, Fenwick walked away.

"I never said that," Regulus repeated, sullen. James looked at Regulus then, having not taken notice of him before: Sirius didn't like talking about his family, and approaching Regulus was a complete taboo. Everything James thought about Regulus in that moment was taboo. The slight, haughty boy, as striking as his brother, but with a face more interesting than handsome. The bridge of his nose was sprinkled with freckles.

"What part of 'if I don't sort this out, they will' didn't register with you?" Sirius asked. His grip tightened on the letter and the parchment crackled. Sirius still wouldn't look at his younger brother, who was trying to catch his eye. James had never seen his friend so sombre, half-expecting a grin to split his face.

"You said you wouldn't tell. You swore." Regulus was staring at the letter now, his grey eyes widening and looking close to tears. "You didn't."

"No of course I bloody didn't, Merlin's beard, I'd have taken the unbreakable vow if you'd asked, but you're so bloody careless," Sirius said, his jaw clenched. He lifted the letter, and began to read aloud: "Dear Master Sirius Orion Black, Heir to blablabla...It has come to our attention that Master Regulus Arcturus nanana has been absent from breakfast, and some classes please see that he is keeping proper company, blablabla, disturbing fucking reports. Yours insincerely, Mingtroll."

"Don't call her that," Regulus mumbled, snatching the letter with trembling hands.

"You. Have. Been. Found. Out," Sirius explained, putting emphasis on every word. "Wanting to kiss blokes is one thing, but if you're going to survive that lot you're going to have to play along. You can't actually have Fenwick for breakfast every day of the week in the bloody corridor. 'Disturbing reports', read it yourself. They know. Why in the name of all that is magic would they write to me if they didn't know?"

"You don't play along," Regulus sniffled. "Why can't I be brave?"

"I'd rather you were happy," Sirius said, finally looking at Regulus, whose eyes were glued to the letter.

Regulus's face crumpled. "Do you hate me?" he asked.

Sirius summoned a tissue and passed it to him. "Not right now," Sirius said, and despite how gently he spoke, James was still surprised when Sirius reached for his brother and pulled him into a hug. The mystery of the snake-pit had been solved. Sirius cared about his brother, and he was worried.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Sirius was as moody as Remus during an exam period. It occurred to James that this is what Sirius behaved like when he was trying to be responsible.

When they were all in bed, James moved over to Sirius's four-poster, surprised to find him asleep. He had been sure Sirius would still be present enough to stick to tradition. James nudged his shoulder, causing Sirius to sit up.

"It's the middle of the night, I'm not in the mood to listen to you prattle on about the bloody Wigtown Wanderers right now," Sirius groused.

"It's new moon, mate," James whispered. "It's tradition."

"Would you go away with your ruddy tradition, I'm sleeping."

"We buy one every month!" James pressed. "New moon, new bottle. It's sacred."

"I thought you said you'd learned your lesson about bottles of whiskey last time," Sirius said, and James was glad the darkness hid his expression.

"I never said that," James replied, and he thought he saw Sirius move strangely in response. James knew he sounded like Regulus, it was intentional. A part of him wanted to test Sirius, to figure out whether he would be as forgiving if he discovered James, too, wanted to 'kiss blokes'. Did Regulus have a special pass?

"Go back to bed, Prongs," Sirius said, and as he walked away James thought he heard Sirius mutter something about being 'bloody surrounded'.

* * *

 _It was all too easy to recollect what had happened the last time James had gotten drunk. After_ _deciding to bring the firewhiskey downstairs to share with their fellow Gryffindors, the Marauders began a 'completely innocent' game of spin the bottle._

" _This is an awful idea," Remus slurred, tugging the bottle from the middle of the circle. His eyes were glassy, and his expression was halfway between stern and giggling._

" _It was your idea; you said muggles do it all the time," Sirius retorted._

" _You are all too emotional for this," Remus added._

 _Sirius reached for the bottle, which Remus attempted to hold to his chest. "Remus, Remus come on. We let you be in charge of doing all our homework, you've gotta leave the fun stuff to us. Come on," Sirius insisted in a pseudo-reasonable tone._

" _Fuck off, you haven't had a jot of fun since before Christmas," Remus grumbled._

" _But look at me now: I'm drunk, and the girls are drunk and they want to play," Sirius pressed._

" _You would be shocked how unconvincing that is," Remus mumbled. He turned to Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows, who were sitting on the armchair across from them. "Do you really want to play?" Remus asked them. The girls looked at each other and smiled, but said nothing._

" _They're not going to admit it, Moony, they've already sat down with us, beyond that they have to pretend not to be invested. Let them have their dignity. Look, there's Fortescue. Fortescue! We're playing pin the bottle!"_

" _It's spin the bottle, and no we're not," Remus insisted, but at the sight of Alice Fortescue's approaching figure, he relented. Sirius wouldn't quit when she was involved, and it was true that Sirius had been in the snake-pit for too long._

 _Having prised the bottle from Remus, Sirius took the first spin, and because he was a lucky bastard he spent the next forty seconds looking like a romantic hero as he snogged the face off Alice Fortescue._

 _Alice spun then, and kissed Dorcas chastely on her giggling lips._

" _Alice, how could you?" Sirius cried. "It's over!"_

 _Alice blushed and pushed Sirius. "You, stop," she said, rolling her eyes._

 _Then Dorcas spun, and just like that the bottle was pointed at James. When he met the girl's expectant gaze, he wondered what he should be feeling. Their kiss was, if possible, more chaste than the one she had shared with Alice._

" _Aw, isn't he sweet," Sirius scoffed. "Go on and spit the bottle ya' big girl's blouse."_

 _James did, and it pointed at Sirius._

 _James turned to his best mate sitting next to him. Sirius did his best flirty pout, and they both dissolved into laughter._

" _Get on with it," Remus grumbled._

 _Sirius snorted and took off James's glasses, as if it was an honest to Merlin seduction. "Wouldn't want any injuries," blurry Sirius said to the room at large. Sirius leaned toward him then, tilting his head just a bit. James was sure he hadn't meant to kiss Sirius with such enthusiasm, but alcohol does funny things to a man. Sirius, the vain bastard, had to turn it into a competition. Not to be outdone, he opened his mouth to James, making James laugh and groan simultaneously. James found himself overwhelmed with equal parts desire, confusion, and disgust._

 _Something about the feeling of Sirius's stubble and the alcohol made him want it. He wanted to kiss Sirius, and keep kissing him. In the end, James was grateful that the pair of them rolled off the couch in Sirius's dramatic demonstration. James bumped his head on the edge of the end table, and opened his eyes to see blurry Remus staring at him. Sirius climbed back into his seat._

" _I wonder if that's the first time that's happened," Marlene mused._

" _Black's just trying to make me jealous," Alice said, laughing, looking unconvinced._

 _Sirius cleared his throat, winking at Peter. "If you think you're jealous now, you ain't seen nothing yet." Peter looked horrified and the group laughed. "My spin again," he announced, not looking at James. He didn't look at James again until they were both very sober, and Sirius was back in the snake-pit._

* * *

 _Maybe it could've been fine,_ James thought, as he climbed back into his four poster on the February new moon. _Maybe it would've blown over, if we had laughed about it._

The sounds of the dormitory became rhythmic once more as Sirius settled back into sleep, clearly determined not to get involved with any normal behaviour that might actually make him happy for five seconds. James was still wearing his glasses and cloak. He scowled at the canopy overhead.

"I'm gay," he whispered to himself, trying the words. The feelings he had when he kissed Sirius returned: disgust, desire, but he wasn't confused anymore, now he was afraid. What would happen?

James felt a sharp pain in his head as he forced back tears. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. Making the decision to get very, very drunk with or without his best mate, James climbed out of bed.

With the help of the map and his dad's cloak, James was in the tunnel to Honeydukes. Without having to share the cloak, the journey went smoothly and the old codger in the Hog's Head served him without question. He had taken his first swig of Firewhiskey before he'd even exited the bar.

James made quick work of the tunnel back to the castle, and a third of the bottle. It wasn't until he was about to reemerge into the corridors of Hogwarts that his roving was met with a snag. Aside from being drunk, James had noticed something when checking the map that could either be very good or very bad. In the empty castle it wasn't hard for James to spot his friend's younger brother out of bed past curfew. Alone.

"Uh-oh," he slurred, wiping a dribble of Firewhiskey from his face and sloshing alcohol over the front of his robes in the process. "Uh-oh."

* * *

Regulus wandered through the castle with every intention of figuring out how his brother had been able to make it to Hogsmeade when he was only in his second year. He had interviewed several portraits who reported noise in the upper east side of the castle.

Regulus moved into the turrets, trying to locate Gryffindor Tower. He was halfway up a spiral staircase when a noise below him made him freeze. It was unmistakable, he was being followed. He was about to double his pace when he heard his name in the dark.

He stopped trying to get away. He'd been recognised. There was a boy standing on the steps below, his face hard to make out in the darkness, but Regulus could tell he was black, tall, and drunk. He stumbled on the stairs.

"Regulus, hi," he all but giggled, pausing when he was within arms reach.

"Potter?" Regulus asked, a little unsure.

"Don't sound so scared. Do you want a drink?"

"What? I… alright," he replied, taking the offered bottle. Regulus sniffed the rim and grimaced. "It's cheap."

"The cheapest." Potter actually sounded proud. Regulus took a sip anyway, and immediately spluttered.

"It's rank," he gagged.

"Yeah," Potter said, still pleased. "Firewhiskey takes some getting used to."

"I know how to drink Firewhiskey, you dolt, I just prefer it not to taste like piss," Regulus said, drawing his wand. "Lumos." He found himself looking into a pair of hazel eyes crinkled over a cheeky grin. He resisted the urge to take off the boy's glasses, thinking of how angry his brother had been, thinking that Potter would probably punch him in the nose for his trouble. He wanted to ask if Sirius had sent him. He handed the bottle back to a grinning Potter.

"It's almost empty," Potter whispered.

"Did you drink all that?" Regulus asked, taking another step up the staircase when Potter did, trying to keep the distance.

"I spilt most of it," he replied sheepishly, tipping the rest of it over the banister, before taking another step up. Regulus moved away again.

"What do you want?"

"I know a game we could play," Potter said, inspecting the empty bottle. There was just one step between them. "It's a muggle game called spin the bottle. Have you heard of it?"

"No," Regulus replied. Potter bit his lip, and ran a hand through his hair. "It sounds rubbish."

Potter laughed and his eyes were warm. "Yeah, it is, it's awful." Potter turned and took a step down as if he was making to leave. Foolishly, Regulus followed, just like that the space between them evaporated.

James stopped abruptly and turned. This time when their eyes met the older boy was grinning wider, if such a thing was possible, and Regulus was reaching for an explanation.

Regulus was reaching for James Potter's glasses.


End file.
